


something's off

by tellmore



Category: Tiny Meat Gang (Band)
Genre: Fighting, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Panic Attacks, Past Child Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Sexual Abuse, Rape/Non-con Elements, bottom!cody, cody loves his bf also, i talk about them kissing n having sex ok, noel loves his bf, sad cody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-21
Updated: 2019-07-21
Packaged: 2020-07-09 19:08:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,393
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19892845
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tellmore/pseuds/tellmore
Summary: prequel to my story "secret's out."could read before or after, honestly.cody's actions and thoughts leading to noel finding out





	something's off

**Author's Note:**

> again, this story has some heavy shit so please read the tags before you read.
> 
> this is 100% fiction boys
> 
> catch me on [tumblr](https://tinycody.tumblr.com)

Kissing has always been their favorite. It was the first thing they did once their feelings for each other were out. The first thing they do in the mornings, the last thing they do at night. 

Noel found other favorites, too. He found Cody's favorite things which turned into his favorite things to do. Cody loved when Noel would take his time opening him up. The lazy, slow, gentle pull of it. He loved the praise Noel gave him. He loved when Noel was gentle. Loved when Noel would tell him exactly what to do. He'd never admit that he was submissive out loud, of course.

Their sex life has always been great. They'd fuck more than they actually thought was normal. They loved it. They loved being that close to each other, sharing their bodies.

When Cody had a panic attack because Noel palmed him while they were making out, Noel should have made Cody tell him what was actually wrong, then and there. 

Cody had been gone for three weeks, visiting his family out of the country. Noel was more than ready to get his hands on him. In all ways. When he picked him up from the airport, Cody practically leaped in his arms and they held onto each other like they'd been apart for years.

But, Cody promised Noel that he had just been feeling anxious and kept apologizing.

Noel let it slide. He knew anxiety could come up at the worst times and with traveling and being gone, he let it slide. He shouldn't have. 

They always cuddled before they went to sleep. If it stayed as cuddling or turned into something more, that was always up for debate. But they had a nightly routine. Dinner together, Netflix, talk about their day, brush their teeth together while making funny faces in the mirror, pajamas (or lack there of), cuddle, sleep. Noel would sling his arm over Cody's waist and they'd usually wake up that way. 

When Cody would get antsy until Noel would give him some room, Noel knew something was really wrong. Instead, Cody kept blaming his anxiety and not explaining any further. 

Noel was racking his brain trying to figure out what happened. He knew something happened in Canada. He tried to convince himself that maybe Cody was just homesick and that visiting made it worse. 

"Cody?" Noel yelled from their bedroom. "Can you come here for a second?" He heard Cody pause Netflix and get off the couch in their living room. "What's up?"

"Do you wanna go back to Canada?" Cody pulled a confused face, eyebrows knitted together. "No? Do you?" 

Noel ran a hand over his face and shook his head. "Nah, I'm just trying to get to the bottom of this anxiety you're having and I thought that maybe you're homesick-" Cody shook his head, "Noel, babe, don't worry about it. You know anxiety just does this shit sometimes." 

Noel looked Cody over. "It makes you not want to be near me?" Cody's eyes widened. "What are you talking about? I'm with you almost all the time." He said, almost angrily. Defensively.  
"Maybe I just need some space sometimes. I don't know."

Noel nodded and sat up from where he was laying on their bed. "Is that what all of this about? You want space?" Noel was getting pissed off. Him and Cody have always been able to communicate their problems. after they had their first fight, they decided that they'd never not talk about their problems with each other again. 

Cody crossed his arms over his chest and leaned against the door frame. "Maybe it is what all of it's about. I don't fucking know, Noel. Okay? I have no fucking clue."

"Are you mad at me?"

Cody nodded. "Right now, yeah. I don't know why. My minds all fucked up right now and I told you that, and you're still trying to make it into something it isn't." Cody was pissed. Noel could see it written all over his face.

Noel felt bad. His boyfriend was telling him what was wrong and he was standing there telling him that wasn't it. He had a bad feeling that it wasn't, though. Cody has never given him a reason not to trust him. In the past year and a half, not once has Cody been untrustworthy. 

Noel walked over to Cody, careful not to get too close. "I'm sorry," He started. "I'm sorry. I'm just worried about you, baby. I am. If you say this is all from anxiety, I believe you. Okay?" 

Cody dropped his arms from where they had been crossed over his chest and let out a sigh. "I don't want space from you.." He looked Noel in the eyes. "I want, like, the opposite of that, actually." He let out a soft chuckle. Noel smiled wide and bright at him. Cody leaned his head up and kissed Noel's lips softly and wrapped his arms around him. "I'm sorry, babe."

Noel wrapped his arms around Cody, holding him tightly. He pressed a kiss to the side of Cody's head. "It's okay, I'm sorry too baby." Noel kissed Cody again, lips lingering for a momment before pulling back. He pulled back and held Cody's arms. "You'll let me know if it turns into something else though, right?"

Cody smiled and nodded. "Yes, I will." Cody kissed Noel once more and asked, "You wanna cook us some dinner?" Noel rolled his eyes as both boys laughed. "Of course, princess." He turned around to go to the kitchen. 

Cody took a deep breath once he was gone. He hated lying to him. It wasn't a lie, per se. He was anxious. Really anxious, actually. 

He didn't want Noel to know about his uncle. Joe. He didn't want Noel to look at him and see the kid who got raped. The kid who got abused. The kid who would cry his eyes out, would beg for it to stop. He didn't want Noel to see him as weak. To ask him why he couldn't have just stopped it. Why he couldn't have just told someone. 

Cody felt like he wasn't breathing right. There was a tight feeling in his chest and he tried to rub it away. He'd been having panic attacks since he got back from seeing his family. Joe included. All he could think of was what happened. Joe was so menacing toward him. He told Cody that he had missed him and hoped they could share secrets like they used to. 

When Cody first moved to California, his family had a going away party for him. Joe was there. Everyone had gone to bed and Cody knew something awful was going to happen. Joe came over to the couch and sat next to Cody. He immediately tensed and went to get up. Joe grabbed him by his arm and pulled him back down, so they were right next to each other. He raped him that night.

Cody ran to the bathroom attached to his and Noel's bedroom and locked the door. He slid down the other side of the closed door and hugged his knees to his chest. Tears started to burn his eyes and he knew he wouldn't be able to fight it off any longer. He felt worthless. He felt stupid. He felt like he let himself down. Everything was replaying in his head and before he knew it, he was gasping for air. 

Noel had heard the door slam and tried not to think anything of it. He stopped what he was doing and waited for any sounds, but none came. He shrugged it off and continued preparing his and Cody's dinner. 

Cody got up after he had calmed down and splashed water over his face. He took some deep breaths and tried to get himself together enough that Noel wouldn't notice. He hated hiding this from him, he told Noel everything. Even embarrassing shit. 

After inspecting himself in the mirror, he walked out to see his boyfriend cooking in their kitchen. He smiled to himself and walked over to Noel and kissed him on his cheek. "What's cookin' good lookin'?" He said in his best southern accent. 

He could keep pretending it was fine. He'd be able to get over this. He had before. He could.

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you enjoyed!! let me know if i should now write a sequel!!


End file.
